Southern China Commentary

I’m a member of the Total Fitness Club (力美健) chain. The facilities are nice and clean. The staff are friendly and helpful. The prices and policies are reasonable … in short, highly recommended. In the three years I’ve been a member, I’ve seen other members come and go. But like clockwork, they were replaced quickly by the exact same person. Over time, my highly keen powers of observation came to discern the nine archetypes you will encounter in a Chinese Fitness Club.* Today, I pass this wisdom on to you.

1. The Young, Fit S.O.B.
He is really fit. He is unnaturally tan. He will beat me silly when he reads this.

2. The Mini-Arnold
Impossibly muscular, but short.

3. The Mistress
Scantily clad. Intensely hot. Someone’s bored mistress.

4. The Middle-Aged Wife
Comes for the dance classes with the handsome, gay male dance instructor. The rest of the time, sits around chatting with her fellow species in the locker room … naked.

5. The Female O.L.**
A rather broad category. United by the common characteristic of having no inclination to actually work out. Will do yoga, poorly.

6. The Male Office Worker
Usually inappropriately dressed for working out.

7. The Dork
One of two hopeless extremes.

8. The Boss
Clearly the boss of something. Friendly and doles out lots of advice. He may or may not be a gangster.

9. The Foreigner
Has on a headset. Pays no attention to anyone around him. Occasionally sneaks a peek at #3.

* Regional to Guangzhou.
** O.L. = Office Lady