Southern China Commentary

A few years ago I joined the ranks of people in China who have had things stolen from them in novel ways.  It wasn’t particularly ingenious.  Due to construction, several freeway onramps were blocked, and I was having trouble getting on the freeway.  In frustration, I pulled over at one of the blocked onramps where a few cars had stopped as well.  I rolled down my passenger side window and asked one of the loitering drivers of those unlicensed black cabs for directions.  He was unusually friendly.  That should have been Red Flag #1.

As he was explaining to me, I heard tapping at the driver side window.  Red Flag #2. I turned to the left to look.  It was another unlicensed cab driver also giving me directions.  I told him through the closed window, “Thanks, but this other guy is already giving me directions.”  He gave me a thumbs up.  Red Flag #3.

I must have been distracted for only 5-6 seconds.  When I turned back around, the first driver finished his directions, and I drove off, marveling at the friendliness.  It was only five minutes later when I got onto the freeway (great directions guys, thanks!) that I noticed my bag had been stolen from the passenger’s seat.  By bag, I mean Armani messenger bag and not a murse (male purse) which is so prevalent here.  And, by Armani messenger bag, I mean fake Armani messenger bag I got for 50 RMB.

Fortunately, nothing of value was lost.  But, I had some business cards in there, and ever since then I’ve received intermittently strange messages and calls trying to swindle me into something.

There are calls along the lines of:
(Ring)
Caller: Hey brother, remember me?
Me: No, who is this?

Caller: How can you not remember me? Remember?!?
Me: Nope, not a clue.

Caller: Come on. It’s me!
Me: Nope.

Caller: Remember!
Me: Oh!!! Is this Li Something Something?!?!

Mr. Li: Yes!!!
Me: No way, you died last year.
(Click)

Me: Hello? Hello? Mr. Li?

But, the free service I most enjoy is the informative yet non-intrusive SMS advertisement.  Need fake receipts?  Done!  Want to buy insurance?  Shazam!  Naughty Nurse S&M Orgy?  Open Sesame!  Because sex sells, a few tantalizing samples:

Silk stockings. 90s china dolls, office ladies, nurses. Partner swapping orgies. No room fee!

Four live bunny shows a day! Buy one get one free! Okay for 3 times!

Imperial concubines for the emperor. Parisian courtesans for the king. 5-star hotel accommodations.

Cantonese cuisine. Sichuan cuisine. Hunan Cuisine. Dongbei cuisine. Korean cuisine. Even African cuisine!!

In the past, I would receive them sporadically.  But recently, I’ve noticed a startling uptick to the point where I’ve come to depend on then for my weekly titillation.  I can only conclude that as consumers tighten their belts, companies need to aggressively market and innovate their services to keep those belts loose.

*Pearl River Delta