A few years ago I joined the ranks of people in China who have had things stolen from them in novel ways. It wasn’t particularly ingenious. Due to construction, several freeway onramps were blocked, and I was having trouble getting on the freeway. In frustration, I pulled over at one of the blocked onramps where a few cars had stopped as well. I rolled down my passenger side window and asked one of the loitering drivers of those unlicensed black cabs for directions. He was unusually friendly. That should have been Red Flag #1.
As he was explaining to me, I heard tapping at the driver side window. Red Flag #2. I turned to the left to look. It was another unlicensed cab driver also giving me directions. I told him through the closed window, “Thanks, but this other guy is already giving me directions.” He gave me a thumbs up. Red Flag #3.
I must have been distracted for only 5-6 seconds. When I turned back around, the first driver finished his directions, and I drove off, marveling at the friendliness. It was only five minutes later when I got onto the freeway (great directions guys, thanks!) that I noticed my bag had been stolen from the passenger’s seat. By bag, I mean Armani messenger bag and not a murse (male purse) which is so prevalent here. And, by Armani messenger bag, I mean fake Armani messenger bag I got for 50 RMB.
Fortunately, nothing of value was lost. But, I had some business cards in there, and ever since then I’ve received intermittently strange messages and calls trying to swindle me into something.
There are calls along the lines of:
(Ring)
Caller: Hey brother, remember me?
Me: No, who is this?
Caller: How can you not remember me? Remember?!?
Me: Nope, not a clue.
Caller: Come on. It’s me!
Me: Nope.
Caller: Remember!
Me: Oh!!! Is this Li Something Something?!?!
Mr. Li: Yes!!!
Me: No way, you died last year.
(Click)
Me: Hello? Hello? Mr. Li?
But, the free service I most enjoy is the informative yet non-intrusive SMS advertisement. Need fake receipts? Done! Want to buy insurance? Shazam! Naughty Nurse S&M Orgy? Open Sesame! Because sex sells, a few tantalizing samples:
Silk stockings. 90s china dolls, office ladies, nurses. Partner swapping orgies. No room fee!
Four live bunny shows a day! Buy one get one free! Okay for 3 times!
Imperial concubines for the emperor. Parisian courtesans for the king. 5-star hotel accommodations.
Cantonese cuisine. Sichuan cuisine. Hunan Cuisine. Dongbei cuisine. Korean cuisine. Even African cuisine!!
In the past, I would receive them sporadically. But recently, I’ve noticed a startling uptick to the point where I’ve come to depend on then for my weekly titillation. I can only conclude that as consumers tighten their belts, companies need to aggressively market and innovate their services to keep those belts loose.
沙发～
Lucky you, you did not suffer a loss but learned more and got more.. .
Was your Armani model digging his nose? Ha..ha..
Dear JOJOarez,
The model is smoking a cigarette. Your doctor is right; your eyesight is deteriorating.
Speaking of swindle, does the fake Armani messenger bag count?
btw, i think the guy with the murse in the pic is cute….a business suit and a pair of New Balance….trendy! ( i mean it!)
Dear Carol,
Do you really want me to start in on your sense of fashion?
(A note to Junde: Is this going to become a regular thing where I insult all the commenters? Is this advisable Mr. Web Consultant?)
:-O
i was insulted? Thanks Jay!
@Jay Of course! What do I pay you for??!!? Charming MMs?
Until Carol mentioned it, I didn’t notice the sneakers the guy in the suit was wearing–hilarious fashion sense.
Somehow I always found it easier to not ask directions in China. Anytime I asked, I was given bad directions. I can get lost on my own.
Dear Chinamatt,
Are you trying to hit on Carol?
Best Regards,
Jay
yes you should be aware of friendliness here! everytime now someone is friendly to me, im afraid of getting ripped off. what a world..
i saw this guy in that pic last night in C-union.
Just get out of China and go home. Why you stay here for so long and say things bad about Chinese? BC you love it here more than the country you are from but they didnt accept you cause you are Asian and they make racist comments about your ’small eyes’. So why do you not just go back if they are so accepting of you there and you are so negative here about China? Are you Taiwanese who jealous of China and pretend to be Chinese? Bring it on.! Hope the censors in China enjoy reading your posts and articles about how you are Chinese and continue to kiss ass to foreingrs who hate China. Chinese loyalists such as I will breakdown all your points one by one. How about the crimes in western countries, ? The school killings and nasty things worst than in China ? Stop trying to be ‘popular’ to foriengers , butt lickr.